


Dirty Letters

by hakaseheart



Series: Dirty Letters [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9709277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakaseheart/pseuds/hakaseheart
Summary: It's late one night, after three hard ciders at a dive bar that the crown prince of Lucis should most definitely not be patronizing, that Noctis proposed the idea.“So whaddya think?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kitarin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/gifts), [Ekala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekala/gifts), [nitohkousuke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitohkousuke/gifts).



> Written and posted with no editing, my apologies for any numerous amounts of errors. x_____x;;;;

It's late one night, after three hard ciders at a dive bar that the crown prince of Lucis should most definitely not be patronizing, that Noctis proposed the idea.

“So whaddya think?” he asked, words only slightly slurring as he took another sip. “I mean, seems like the right week for it.”

“Wait, so,” Prompto is the first to reply, gesturing lightly with his beer as he tried to wrap his mind around the proposition. “We just write each other a bunch of love letters? Dude, that's kinda...you know...?”

Gladio snorted loudly from his chair, taking a swig from his mug as he shot Prompto a challenging look. “That's not what he's saying,” he said as he leaned forward, both elbows on the table as his eyes darted back over to the prince. “He means, we write a bunch of _dirty_ letters.”

The look on Prompto's face shifted from skepticism to pure, bright pink embarrassment. “O-oh,” he stutterd, unexpected excitement creeping into his voice. “And then, after we give 'em out...?”

Ignis smirked and shrugged, still mulling it over despite his initial understanding of the plan. “Obviously, if the letters have their intended effect, then the writer and the recipient will retire to other plans for the evening.” He turned his gaze to Noctis, who was apparently contemplating a fourth cider. “Am I correct?”

His question earned him a nod and an approving gesture with the now-empty bottle. “Exactly,” Noctis agreed. “Exacting. Exacti-mundo.”

The advisor stifled a laugh as Prompto winced at Noctis' sudden descent into drunkenness. “Uh, Noct, you, uh-”

“So, do we each give 'em to each other?” Gladio cut in, before Prompto could bring the discussion back to normal and sane things like individual levels of inebriation. “Cuz if we're all doing that in a week, that's gonna be a lot of sex.” Prompto shot him a frantic look, but the larger man simply shrugged. “Just sayin', that's a lot to commit to, for one week.”

Ignis murmured in agreement. “I feel similarly. It isn't that I wouldn't wish to follow through with such a challenge, mind you,” he said as he gave each of them a look in turn. “Just that perhaps, for an initial experiment, we should each give – and therefore, receive – one letter apiece. How does that sound?”

The rest of the table nodded, and Noctis nodded an additional time as a waitress stopped by and asked if they would like another round. She disappeared before any of the more rational thinkers present could object, and Prompto realized they only had a limited amount of sobriety left to hash out the details before the rest of the evening would inevitably derail.

“So, how are we gonna do this? Like, draw straws or something?” He finished his beer and leaned back in the chair to stretch. “I mean, if we're gonna be fair about it.”

Ignis sat fully upright, fiddling with the pouch at his waist until it unhooked from his belt and he was able to place it on the table. “I imagine drawing lots ought to suffice,” he said as he looked around the table. “Each of us should write our names on a napkin, and then we'll draw from here to cement the selection. Sound fair?”

Prompto and Gladio both nodded in agreement, as Noctis was already scribbling his name on a napkin to be the first in the proffered pouch. The other three swiftly followed suit, and soon the pouch was presented to Noctis as the first to draw. “Eenie, meenie, miney, mo~” he chuckled to himself as he rooted around in the bag. “Catch a lover by the toe...”

He pulled a napkin from the bag, opening it up to read the name and grinning madly at the result. When he looked up next, it was to see the others looking at him expectantly. “It's a secret,” he decreed with all the royal drunkenness he could muster. “You guys have to keep it secret, too.”

Sighing, Ignis passed the pouch around, and was the last to pull from its depths. “Very well then,” he said as he read the name and pocketed the slip of paper. “Assuming none of us have drawn our own names, I suppose we shall commence this so-called experiment at the start of the week. Agreed?”

Prompto chirped his approval as Gladio nodded, and Noctis grinned as the next round of drinks arrived and he doled them out among the group. “This is gonna be fun, just wait and see,” he said with a wink as he started on cider number four. “With you guys, how could it not be?”

~

Ignis opened his door Monday morning to find an envelope taped hastily over the peephole. Sighing as he shuffled the papers in his hands to cradle in the crook of his arm, he plucked the envelope from the door and pulled the door shut behind him. The missive would have to wait until he'd had a chance to settle at his desk for the morning, or otherwise his entire routine for the day would be shot.

It was nearly over an hour later, with the most urgent matters already dealt with an a can of Ebony in hand, that Ignis opened the envelope and read the contents inside. Soon after, he caught himself from spitting the coffee out in surprise, and settled for hanging his head in his hands instead.

After his work was finished for the day, and shortly after he'd returned to his quarters for the evening, he heard the knock upon his door. He opened the door without checking, and was entirely unsurprised when Prompto walked into the apartment, a grin plastered across his face.

“Prompto,” he said simply as a matter of greeting.

“He~y, Iggy,” Prompto replied, making guns with his hands and shooting them in Ignis' general direction. “You get my letter?”

Ignis sighed, and walked to the refrigerator to acquire another can of Ebony. “Indeed,” he acknowledged as he popped open the can. “It was...unmistakably yours.”

The wording didn't slip by Prompto, and he deflated somewhat. “Ah, aha, that's, uh, that's a good thing, right?”

Ignis shot him a withering look as he took a long sip. “So, do tell me,” he said crisply, “what are the seven ways?”

The look on Prompto's face was akin to an anak in headlights. “Uh, all seven...?”

Ignis seated himself at the small breakfast bar by his kitchen and crossed his legs. “Yes, I'm quite curious how you wish to 'bang me seven ways from Sunday.' It's not a phrase I've heard before and I'm looking forward to your undoubtedly well-informed description.”

Swallowing hard, Prompto laughed awkwardly before walking over to drape an arm over Ignis' shoulder. “How about I just show you, instead?” The prayer in his voice was practically visible.

Smirking around the edge of the can, Ignis did his best to keep his composure. Prompto did make it quite difficult sometimes, after all. “What, all seven ways? Tonight? I'm flattered by your opinion of me, Prompto, but I don't believe even Gladio and his legendary stamina would be able to pull that off.”

Groaning, Prompto slumped over Ignis' shoulder in defeat. “Waaaaaugh, I'm sorry, looks like I'm crap at this after all. Sorry, Iggy.” He buried his face in the advisor's neck and mumbled sadly. “I just wanted to make you happy, that's all.”

Smiling softly, Ignis took another sip of coffee before setting the can down on the counter. “And how were you going to do that, hm?” His voice was light and coaxing, instead of the smug demeanor he'd just affected moments before.

The bright blonde continued to mumble against his skin. “Well, I was gonna...maybe...pin you to the wall? And kiss you until you couldn't breathe.” Prompto nodded at his own words. “Then, if you were liking it, I was gonna carry...well, okay, I can't _carry_ you, but I was gonna get you to the bed and-”

“Mmm,” Ignis murmured as he reached up to thread his fingers into the hair nestled at his shoulder. “Perhaps, then, you should start with that.” Craning his head to the side, he placed a gentle kiss to Prompto's temple. “And then we can work from there?”

He could feel Prompto grin against his skin, followed by a stream of kisses to his neck and ear that sent shivers racing down his spine. “Yeah, okay,” Prompto agreed, and set his plan into motion.

(Prompto's letter:  
_Hey baby ;) ;) ;)_  
_I wanna bang you seven ways from Sunday_  
_meet you at home later_  
_< 3 <3 <3_)

~

Noctis found the letter atop his morning delivery from Ignis, a pile of folders and papers with a small pink envelope at the top. His name was carefully written in delicate script on the front, and when he opened the letter and read it, there was no doubting who had left it there. He tossed the envelope back on the table, glanced through the rest of the stack, then went about his day as normal.

The only deviation was leaving Prompto and the arcade an hour or so early, figuring it'd probably be best to get back to the apartment before it got too late in the day. He could smell the pastries the moment he stepped off the elevator, and sure enough, Ignis was in his kitchen, pulling a tray of something delicious from the oven.

That was the first thing Noctis noticed as he entered the apartment and slipped off his shoes. The second thing was the long, elegant ivory apron that his advisor was currently wearing as he set the tray on a rack to cool.

The third thing was the amount of clothing Ignis was wearing beneath the apron.

“H-hey, Specs,” Noctis said, trying to greet him casually, but his throat was suddenly very tight and he wasn't sure what to do except toss his bag in a corner. “Smells good.”

Ignis raised an eyebrow at the scratchy sound in Noctis' voice. “It's not my usual attempt,” he eventually replied. “I wanted to try something a little different today, if it's alright by you.”

“Fine by me,” Noctis answered hurriedly, flinging his jacket over the back of a chair. “What've we got?”

He received a clear beckon in reply, and tried to focus on the tray of treats as he walked into the kitchen proper. “Heart-shaped chocolate tarts,” Ignis said from behind him, gesturing to the pastries. “Topped with powdered sugar and sugar crystals.”

Noctis felt Ignis' breath on his neck as the taller man slid behind him, hands wrapping around his waist. While he could feel the frills of the apron at his back, he couldn't help but shiver at the knowledge of how little else there was between that apron and the whole of Ignis. “Um, Ignis,” he finally choked out, eyes not quite able to leave the treats in front of him. “Those aren't, uh, all hearts.”

He could feel Ignis' smirk against his cheek. “Mmm. No, I suppose they aren't.”

Swallowing, he continued. “That one, right there? That's definitely a-” His words cut off as Ignis pressed his lips to his jaw, trailing feather-light kisses around the shell of his ear, until his teeth scraped gently against the skin on the crown prince's neck.

“Noct...?” Ignis asked quietly, his voice low and sultry. One hand drifted to his waistline, slipping two fingers beneath his belt to rub against his hipbone. He felt Ignis smile. “I see you received my letter.”

Noctis moaned softly and moved one hand to rest atop of Ignis' at his waist. “Can't you...wait...” he said between heavy breaths, “...until after we've eaten the sweets?”

“Hmm,” Ignis replied with an obvious lack of compassion. “They do still need to cool, so....no.” He punctuated his response with a nip at Noctis' earlobe, and the prince summarily decided that perhaps waiting for the pastries to cool was perfectly acceptable after all.

(Ignis' letter:  
_My prince,_  
_Your presence at home is requested this evening._  
_I am planning a surprise in your honor, and I do hope you find it suitable._  
_It would please me if you would arrive hungry._  
_It would please me further if you carried out your day without the presence of underthings._ )

~

Gladio was in the middle of his daily workout when his phone dinged with a new message. He finished out the set – 56 more situps, 50 of the one-armed handstands, and cooldown stretches – before finally picking up his phone and scrolling through the notifications. One stood out above all the others, which brought a grin to his face.

Then he laughed out loud, for the hell of it, and ran a dozen laps around the training room for good measure.

He was in the middle of contemplating a thirteenth lap when Noctis wandered into the room and closed the door firmly behind him.

With the next lap firmly scrapped, Gladio rolled out his shoulders and grinned over at the prince standing coyly by the door. “You gonna lock that?”

Noctis shrugged. “Think I should?”

Gladio laughed again, and he walked right up to Noctis and pinned him firmly against the door he was already holding shut. “Up to you, highness. How much trouble are we gonna get in if someone walks in on us?”

“Oh, a lot,” Noctis shot back, his eyes twinkling up at his shield. “So much. It'd be epic.”

One hand slid down from Noctis' arm to his waist, then lower. “Then I guess we oughta make this fast.”

Noctis smirked, rolling his hips forward and into Gladio's waiting palm. “Oh, man, what a romancer. You must win all the boys over with that.”

His response was a snort, then another hand grabbing him sharply by the waist and yanking them together hard enough that even Noctis couldn't maintain his carefree attitude. The prince gasped, followed by a low moan, and Gladio bent in close to growl in his ear. “You've only got yourself to blame for this one, Noct. Now, you ready, or not?”

Forcing a grin through his haze of arousal, Noctis leaned forward and nipped at Gladio's conveniently-close earlobe. “Do it.”

(Noctis' letter:  
_hey_  
_gladdy_  
_fuck me_ )

~

It was Friday evening, and Prompto was nearly certain that he was going to have to wait all the way until Saturday night before he received his own letter. Every day he'd checked his mailbox, and the front door, and Noctis' mailbox – just in case – and his own cell phone messages, and still nothing showed up. It wasn't until Friday after he'd come home from Noctis' apartment that he found the letter waiting neatly in his mailbox.

He couldn't help himself from grinning like a maniac as he snatched at the letter, leaving the rest of the mail behind as he darted in the front door and tore open the envelope. It was simple and white, with his name in careful print on the front, and then it was in pieces on the floor and Prompto read the letter inside like it was water to a man dying of thirst.

The metaphor, actually, was fairly appropriate, because he found his throat swiftly dried up and suddenly he was having trouble swallowing. It took him a good five minutes to read through the entirety of the letter, and then, for good measure, he took the time to read through it again. He almost read it a third time, but decided that a glass of water might be advisable before continuing.

Walking over to the small kitchenette inside his apartment, he flicked the light switch on and stopped dead in his tracks as he realized that he wasn't alone. Sitting at his tiny kitchen table was none other than Gladio, feet up on the counter and giving him the dirtiest smirk Prompto had ever seen in his life.

“Gl-Gladio!” Prompto stuttered, scrabbling as he nearly dropped the paper clutched in his hands. “You, you're, ah, well, _here_.”

The larger man nodded, and gestured at the letter. “You read it, right?”

Throat still painfully dry, Prompto nodded.

Gladio grinned, a predator staring down his prey. “Read it again. Out loud.”

Prompto blinked. “I, ah...” He tried to come up with a reason to argue, but nothing came to mind. Taking a deep breath, he looked back to the letter and forced the words to leave his mouth. “ _I'm sitting in your apartment,_ ” he began, realizing only now what was going on. “ _I've been thinking about you all day. Your eyes. Your lips. The way your ass moves in those jeans of yours. I love to get my hands on that ass, and I'm thinking about that right now. I'm aching, but I can't touch myself. Not yet. Not when you're coming home any minute._ ”

He stopped and looked up, seeing that Gladio had swung his feet down from the counter and was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Go on.”

“Uh, right.” His throat was parched, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it up, but dammit Gladio was _right there_ and he's pretty sure he knew exactly where this was going tonight. “ _You're gonna come in through that door and I'll be waiting here for you. I'm going to stand up, grab you by the waist, and pin you against that wall. Your legs will wrap around me and you'll give me a look with those big, blue eyes, and you'll be able to feel exactly how much I like it when you do that. When you give me that look, my knees turn to jelly, but I'll keep standing because I want to take you against that wall, so hard and fast that-_ ”

Gladio moved so quickly that Prompto couldn't even see it coming. The letter fell to the floor, forgotten as Gladio made true on his promise. In a matter of seconds the blonde was pinned against the wall, the thud resonating through the tiny apartment. Prompto wrapped his fingers around Gladio's arms, holding on tightly as the man propped him up against the wall with his hips.

“Nnngh,” Prompto groaned, already shuddering against the larger man's form. “Gladio...”

“Shhh,” Gladio rumbled into Prompto's ear, and smiled as he felt the shivers run down the length of the blonde's body. “I think we've had enough of reading, hm?” The whimper of agreement he got in return was proof enough that the time for reading was over. What followed, was the time of _doing_.

(Gladio's letter  
is a full-page novel of dirty, dirty porn)

~

Saturday night found the four in a diner tucked away at the far corner of Insomnia. The neon light outside flickered and hissed, and had any of the paparazzi seen the crown prince of Lucis sitting in one of the duct-tape-peppered booths, he wouldn't have been able to live it down for years to come.

But this place is enough of a dive that even the paparazzi won't go out of their way for it, and the prince and his immediate guard are left in relative privacy.

Ignis sighed and pushed on the rim of his glasses. “I will find us a new bar for next week, since the last one has kindly requested we not return within the next month. Or year. Or ever.”

Noctis shrugged, even as Prompto winced and Gladio chuckled. “No worries, Specs. This place will do for now, at least.” He steadfastly ignored it as the advisor muttered something about not starting barfights under his breath. “So. Our experiment. How'd it go?”

There was a moment of silence as each of them reacted in their own way. Prompto blushed fiercely, so hard that Noctis wondered if even the tips of his hairs were blushing. “I, uh, don't have any complaints,” he eventually stammered, looking staunchly at the diner table.

“Same,” Gladio rumbled with a grin. “Worked out fine for me.”

Ignis nodded. “I, as well, was pleased with the experience. Granted, I don't think it's something we should repeat on a regular basis. But every once in a while would make for a pleasant event.”

Grinning, Noctis leaned back in the booth. “Agreed. And hey,” he continued, with a waggle of his eyebrows at each of the others in turn. “Maybe next time, we can mix it up a bit.” The three looked at him curiously. “Y'know...maybe throw in some themes, or threesomes, or even-” He was cut off as he was barraged with a handful of napkins, three straws, and a dessert menu.

“One step at a time, Noctis,” Ignis said with a smirk.

Prompto floundered and tossed another handful of straws, as Gladio leaned forward to give Noctis a predatory grin. “If you just want another night with the three of us at once, all you gotta do is ask, highness.”

Covered in diner accoutrements, Noctis could only grin back. “Well then. Good to know.”

 


End file.
